We were both students in different departments. In terms of whether it’s easier once you’re more permanently settled, it depends who you are and the circumstances. Some people feel like they need to get their own lives settled before meeting someone else, whereas others find that meeting someone else helps them settle their lives. I think when you say, “I don’t necessarily want a family, but I don’t want to die alone either,” that’s a very different statement from “I don’t necessarily want a family, but I do want a partner / someone to love” and makes me think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself, as there is plenty in between “no family now” and “dying alone!” It sounds like you’re just not in a place now where you want a serious relationship, but maybe on some level feel like you should (hence you come up with scenarios for why you’re making a mistake by not pursuing one now, pushing that all the way to “I might die alone!”) I’d just accept that you don’t want a serious relationship now and keep doing what you’re doing. It’s true you have no idea where you’ll end up as AP, and maybe you’ll decide that if you don’t end up in a good place, that you want to pursue something other than academia so you can live in a place where you feel more confident about finding a partner. Or maybe you want to try to beef up your career so you can eventually move someone to find someone. And since you don’t want a family, you certainly have some time. Though I’d also say that major metropolitan areas are not the only place you can find someone simpatico, even if you’re a NYC / LA / SF etc person. There are plenty of small to mid-size cities with sizeable populations of peop

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